Forgiveness starts with an apology -- my own

I've been having clashes with my boss lately. We both care deeply about our intellectually disabled clients. However she's a lot more into political correctness than I am and she likes to be in charge. I am not the only one to clash with her: all of the employees in our house feel as though they are not being listened to and that her need for control is being put before the clients' welfare. I do believe she genuinely thinks she's doing what's best but I also believe she is deeply insecure and controlling.

Recently she and I had a rather heated conversation over a specific issue, in which she cut me off three times then berated me for making her repeat herself three times. I was furious. I spent the rest of the day being icily polite and the rest of the week fuming. I hit the hell out of a punching bag at the gym. I complained to my wife. I spent several deeply satisfying occasions bashing her with other employees and being assured that I was in the right. I knew better than her. It was myself who was righteous.

At the same time I was also praying to God about the situation. And you know what God told me? I needed to be the one to apologise.

But I hadn't done anything wrong! She was the one who was putting her own psychological needs ahead of practicality and the client's comfort. She was the one who was rude to me. She---

She was someone to whom I needed to be reconciled. I was accomplishing nothing be nurturing my feelings of anger, by gossiping about her with other employees, by refusing to see the Christ in her. I was just confirming my own opinions over and over. So I searched my heart for anything I had done that contributed to making that encounter an angry one. And I was able to see that my own behaviour had not been all it could be. So when we next met, I sincerely apologized for being defensive and started to explain why I had been that way.

And then she cut me off in order to accept my apology. ARGH!

But I have made a committment to pray for her, and hard as it is it feels good. I have made a committment not to speak negatively of her with other employees and that's even harder. But when the situation comes to a head I will be able to look her in the eye and know that I tried not to make the situation worse. And that is important to me.

""You have heard that it was said to those of ancient times, "You shall not murder'; and "whoever murders shall be liable to judgment.' But I say to you that if you are angry with a brother or sister, you will be liable to judgment; and if you insult a brother or sister, you will be liable to the council; and if you say, "You fool,' you will be liable to the hell of fire. So when you are offering your gift at the altar, if you remember that your brother or sister has something against you, leave your gift there before the altar and go; first be reconciled to your brother or sister, and then come and offer your gift... But I say to you, Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, so that you may be children of your Father in heaven;"